For several years now I’ve stayed away from the annual family gathering at Christmas where my perp brother is always there. That’s why I stay away. We don’t speak and it distresses me greatly to see him. I’ve “escaped” the family for 5-6 years now and my parents stopped asking me over at Christmas knowing I didn’t really want to be there – never told them why. Nobody knows about the CSA.

Now out of nowhere my mother called yesterday and asked if I was coming, as if I always did. She wanted to know what food I’d prefer then started listing all the people who’d be there including perp brother. She just assumed I’d go and didn’t really ask – she more so informed me of the arrangements.

I stumbled on the phone and said I’d have to check with my wife as to what other arrangements may already be in place. Thank goodness for that reprieve.

I told my wife about the call. She knew I was upset by it and reassured me that I don’t have to go if I don’t want to. She tried to get me to not be too upset by the call. Too late!

I didn’t sleep much last night. It really upset me. I of course don’t want to go but I can’t even fathom picking up the phone and saying no. What will she ask? Why won’t I go?

I can’t cope with the thought of seeing him. I can’t cope of the thought of having to make the call. I didn’t even want that damn call in the first place.

I’m really upset by this.