For several years now Iíve stayed away from the annual family gathering at Christmas where my perp brother is always there. Thatís why I stay away. We donít speak and it distresses me greatly to see him. Iíve ďescapedĒ the family for 5-6 years now and my parents stopped asking me over at Christmas knowing I didnít really want to be there Ė never told them why. Nobody knows about the CSA.

Now out of nowhere my mother called yesterday and asked if I was coming, as if I always did. She wanted to know what food Iíd prefer then started listing all the people whoíd be there including perp brother. She just assumed Iíd go and didnít really ask Ė she more so informed me of the arrangements.

I stumbled on the phone and said Iíd have to check with my wife as to what other arrangements may already be in place. Thank goodness for that reprieve.

I told my wife about the call. She knew I was upset by it and reassured me that I donít have to go if I donít want to. She tried to get me to not be too upset by the call. Too late!

I didnít sleep much last night. It really upset me. I of course donít want to go but I canít even fathom picking up the phone and saying no. What will she ask? Why wonít I go?

I canít cope with the thought of seeing him. I canít cope of the thought of having to make the call. I didnít even want that damn call in the first place.

Iím really upset by this.