This really hit me hard while responding to another thread so I thought I'd write it out here so as not to steal Andy's thread

it's not about S/A - it's about the physical abuse I had to endure as a kid - and I hope it's ok for me to talk it out here cause i really have no one else to talk it out with right now

what I need to get out of me is the fact that I "know" that the neighbors knew that things were very bad in the house I grew up in - how do I know that? - let me explain...

we had a elderly neighbor lady lived in the house next to us on the downhill side - I used to shovel her sidewalk in the winter for her and mow her lawn in the summertime - I can clearly remember 1 time when she said to me that she was "sorry" that things was so bad in my house and that I really should try harder to not make my mom so mad at me - I can remember just hanging my head in shame and saying back "Yes Maam - I'll try my best"

The neighbor uphill from our house had a boy who was 1 year younger than me - we played together a fair amount for the first year after thay moved into town - but it ended one day when his dad said to me "I don't want you being a bad influence on my son - I can HEAR how much trouble you are in your own home" - I walked away in shame and me and Harry never played together again after that

the neighbor in the house behind the one I grew up in stopped me one day while I was mowing his lawn and said to me "boy - you must have been real bad the other day - your momma sure did give you a teachin did'nt she?" - again I just hung my head in shame and kept on mowing the lawn

Even the neighbor across the street (the neighbor that I looked up to the most as a kid) said to me one day that he was sorry that mom was so hard on me - said that he could hear me yelling in pain clean across the street from inside his house - it just kills me that I again hung my head in shame and said "I guess I deserved it" and just walked away from him

all these neighbors knew - all of them - yet none of them did anything about it

just hurts - just hurts real bad

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

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