Hi, I've been reading the boards for a little while now and thinking about registering and posting. I guess I finally got the guts to do it.

I wish so badly that I didn't need to be here. My bf recently told me about being abused by an adult man when he was 12 or 13, and I am having a very difficult time dealing with this.

I have known my bf for more than 12 years, and we've had feelings for eachother right from the beginning, but we have only just begun a relationship together. I'm 23, he's 25, and I have 2 kids from a previous relationship.

I basically grew up with my bf, he has been my brother's best friend since the age of 12. He would be at our house all the time, and was like a member of the family. At one point, my mom was dating a man that she knew from high school, and she decided to let him move in with us. I knew early on that he was not a nice guy, and I would tell her every chance I got. Nobody listened to me, even when I found pornography in the bathroom of young naked boys with skateboards. Eventually this man became violent towards my brother, we called the police, and never heard from him again.

Until now, I figured that we had managed to survive that scary period unscathed. Then, a couple weeks ago, my bf told me that he had been abused by this man while spending the night in my brother's room. I couldn't believe the emotions I felt at that moment. I cried and hugged him for a long time, and tried to tell him how sorry I was that it happened to him.

I feel responsible because I knew he was a bad person and didn't manage to get anyone's attention. I feel angry at my mother for putting us in that kind of danger. I feel so deeply saddened that the love of my life had to endure what he did. I feel scared that that man is still out there, and has possibly done the same to other boys. I feel terrified that something like that could happen to my children.

I'm sorry for rambling on here, but I really need some advice on how to deal with this. I don't know how to talk to him about it. I don't want to bring it up with him because he seems to have gotten past it very well. I feel like talking about my feelings on his abuse would be selfish, and that he shouldn't have to deal with my emotions after he's already dealt with his. I think talking to people with more understanding of this kind of situation will help me a great deal.

thanks in advance for any responses.