This is to vaguely explain wy I'm here, and also to ask for any thoughts people might have.

Various things happened to me at secondary scool betwene the ages of 12 and 15, ---- which I might talk about at some other point, but not at the second. Because of those things though, I was left with a number of hang ups which I generally tried to get through in the next few years, while doing my A-levels at a different scool, and in the first year of university.

I had moments of fairly extreme depression for no reason, as well as problems with ways of speaking, and certain sites. I couldn't for example stand anyone swearing nere me, much less talking explicitely about certain things. I'd frequently skip past any even remotely suggestive content in books, much less films, and I felt a profound hatred for my local accent, and single handedly removed it from the way I speak.

Now, people tell me I have an incredibly upper class speaking voice, this is entirely due to efforts on my part, ----- though part of it might come from singing diction I suppose.

well anyway I got through all of this, but one hang up I stil have is I really am not comfortable with physical contact. I'll exchange hugs with my mother on occasions, and there is one friend as close to me as a sister who I've hugged, but anything with anyone else ---- forget it.

sinse I am visually impared, people often seem to feel the need to grab hold of me in some way or other. My usual response is to shrug such things off, in a fairly serious way. On the occasions I needd to hold someone's arm I do it wit three finger tips on their elbo.

Despite this I do tend to meet reasonable people and make friends. There is one female friend who I think of as a sister, who I've exchanged hugs with on occasions, ----- though only after knowing her fairly closely for several months, living in the same uni accommodation. but she's generally an exception to the rule.

Conversely though, I do have a tendency to fall in love, roughly once a year. Though the girls involved have been very different in looks, they have all had several things in common. they are always people I'm friends with, people I share interests with and can talk to. they always have a good sense of humer, and a large amount of empathy and general kindness. I can't say exactly what distinguishes them from some of my female friends who fit this de>


Edited by dark empathy (12/03/07 03:17 AM)