This morning I found out a friend of mine was in the hospital, he had just received a pace maker. I went to the hospital to see him and went to the CCU. I met some other friends there and his daughter. When I seen Bill "one of my best friends" I just lost it.
These are people from my former AA home group. My sponsor was the one in CCU. I went in and looked at him and just broke down in tears. I told him he was like a father to me and stumbling for words. With tears in his eyes he looked me in the eye and said I love you too Richard. I said I love you too Scott.
For the first time in my life I could say I love you to a man and not have some sort of sexual thought pop into my head or feel dirty. The experience was positive. Very freeing Like I broke out of a shell and there was a new world out there. People really do love me, now I know love in a different way, one I had not experienced before.
I leveled with my friends about the cult and csa and why I left AA. They were very supportive and I asked why they had not called and they thought I was going to meetings up here in my new town.
I live about 30 minutes from where I used to live. Well we got it all worked out and I was overwhelmed by the support.
Bill and I talked for two hours and he said my experience reminded him of a few Vietnam Veterans he knows w/PTSD. I guess in a way I was in a war. Today it is in my own head but the difference is I have new weapons - knowledge, honesty,truth, and the support of you all here at MS.
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
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