Thank-you onthenet

Forgiveness, now that's a hard word to even say let alone be able to forgive either myself or my abusers. Since letting down the barriers and allowing myself to feel, all hell has broken loose. I want to move on but with all the problems im going through its hard to move on.
My doctor and counselor told me to open up and try and say what happened, ive only been able to say a tiny bit of what happened to me for 11 to 12 years.
But i tried and did as my doctor and counselor said, now its like the state has turned its back on me, all them wasted years in the army and home office count for nothing. If i cant work because of mental health issues and i cant get help with living costs. I dont know what to do. This is putting a hell of a strain on my marriage, many times ive thought about just going out the door and never coming back.
Sorry if this sounds negative but its how my life is, going nowhere and standing still but going backwards at the same time. Ive been awake for three days now, as the sleep problems are getting worse and i do not want to sleep. Most of the time i dont sleep for more than a couple of hours per night. Thankyou for praying for me, i dont know if it will do any good but thankyou.