I am curious. Do you think their is such a thing as Big M and little M? For me, the issue is not Masturbation... the issue is Lust. For me lust has to do with sexualizing another person in a manner that undressed them... maybe even have sex with that perosn in my mind. I have heard the phrase sexual cannabilism used before... and I think that is a good way to describe it. There is a different between noticing someone attractive and making the observation that the person is attractive and lusting after that person. If I take it further than observing a persons beauty, I am probably violating that persons boundaries by sexualizing that person.

I believe there can be such a thing as healthy masturbation. I believe this is where my Christianity has fucked me up in the past. It is healthy for me to explore my body in an unshaming way... especially as I work through sexual trauma, for example. Healthy masturbation CAN BE a very healthy, healing thing for a lot of men (and women). Hear me correctly, this is a lot different thatn compulsive masturbation that is loaded with lust that unhealthy thoughts and images.

What is really sad for me to see are guys, especially single guys with no outlet other than masturbation, who go for extended periods and then engage in "shameful masturbation" (as defined by religion) and then spend the next few weeks in "shameful confession" and "shameful repentence." Why is there sooooo MUCH shame attached? Well, it has to do with what we have been taught by religion.

And I really believe this type of teaching is not conducive to shame-free recovery. I have received too much shame from my perpetrator. I refuse to receive any additional shame from religion. Which is what I have to have.

What we are talking about her guys is healthy sexuality.

on a lighter, more humourous note:
LOL.... when I was 15/16 years, I was riding in a car-load of teen-agers, my mother at the wheel of the car and another parent in the front seat. They were talking about how wonderful the youth pastor's lesson on masturbation was the the youth ralley we were returning from. A comment was made about what a great job he did at explaining the concept of masturbation is sin. It pissed me off! I screamed at the top of my lungs, in front of the other parent, in front of the other teen-agers in the car.... MASTURBATION IS NOT SIN! It got very quiet in the car. The topic of masturbation was never brought up by my mother or father ever again.

I guess I knew the truth.. even then. Lust is the problem for me.. not masturbation. Lust takes from me and takes from others. Masturbation can actually be a very nurturing, healthy thing. But, I am sure there are those who will disagree... and that's okay.

Peace.
From Shame unto Grace.



Edited by River (11/12/07 10:10 AM)
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GD