Things are improving with me and my husband but it can still be hard. I fight the thought in my head "why can't he just get better already?" and "why doesn't he talk to me and tell me what is going on?"
I see signs that things are improving. I just want them to be better NOW I am sick of waiting for everything to be okay. My husband gave me a note saying he will tell me some things in the future and when he is ready to open up he needs me to not respond just listen. He doesn't want me to cry, ask questions etc. etc.
I kind of understand this.....he needs to be in control of what he says and what he tells and he needs me to be strong. I kindof understand that. But he gave me the note and I feel like....okay bring it on.....I'm ready.....lets go....lets get better.... but now I'm waiting .....waiting......until I'm ready to scream TELL ME WHAT is going on in your head. Of course, I'm not going to do that... (maybe 1 year ago when neither one of us were in therapy) but now I know better. It doesn't make it any easier. I just keep remembering how happy we were before all this mess. We are happy now but I remember when we were carefree and didn't have all this worry. I just long for things to be back the way they were before. I just want things to be better so badly. I want to change things. I want to make things better...force things better. I want to will things to change. However, the battle is not mine. All I can do is nothing.
I have to wait until he is ready. Why is he not ready now? I need patience for tonight. One day at a time.
What do you do when you have to be patient?