All I know so far is that a teenage neighbor molest H over a two day period when H was a/b 6yo. Shortly after that a female neighbor, also a teen, 'had sex' w/ H. I have always known a/b the latter (he used to say he was 8yo though), and I always considered it molesting even though it seemed like he considered it 'initiation'. He now says he believes she was also being molested by the same teenage neighbor.
I know after 6yrs, he told his mother. He was in therapy for a year after he told her. MIL, T and myself (I?) are the only ones that know.
Because H says he's dealt with it, boxed it up, even forgiven the perpetrator, I don't know how to deal with this. I believe this is one of the factors that has contributed to his affairs. I want to be sure these issues are addressed so we have a healthy family.
OTOH, he has been getting a more healthy attitude over the 15yrs I have known him, now he is just amazing me. Deep down inside though, I worry this will surface, cycle...whatever.
Should I ask if he's willing to tell me more? I have kind of avoided the topic except to mention this site and some books. If it was 'mild' then maybe he has dealt with it and the affairs are other issues? Please forgive me, I know there really isn't 'mild' when it comes to molestation. I imagine it is like an affair. I was heartbroken to know H had an OEA (online emotional affair) just as I was heartbroken when he had this latest affair with all the 'bells and whistles'. I know that it takes just one act to damage. But I also know had H stopped at the OEA it would have been easier to recover from than his continued abuses in the form of increasingly involved affairs.
This is why I am wondering, should I ask if he's willing to share details or wait until he's ready to share? Though it seems like he'd be willing to never speak of it again, he maintains it's in his past, dealt with and moved beyond.