I had no idea what this was going in.

So we started out by my therapist asking me to think of a safe place. She gave me about a minute to think, and then she asked me where I was. I responded, "I'm in a dark closet. The door is locked."

"Wow," she responded. "That sounds pretty negative. Can you think of anyplace more relaxing?"

"How about my computer desk at him?"

"Well, that might work. Do you want another minute to think about it?"

Finally, I decided that I was going to be lying on my back in a boat in the middle of a lake. She asked me to think about the sights, the sounds, the feelings, and of course, the smells.

I was easily able to think about the sights, the sounds, and the feelings. The blue sky was up above. The wind was chilly, but the sun was warming. I concentrated on the sun warming me. It was a peaceful feeling. The boat was gently rocking with a slightly rhythmic sound of gentle waves padding against the side of the boat. I was actually starting to sink into the feeling when she had to ask me what I smelled.

"Well, it kind of stinks."

"What stinks?"

"Well, I'm on a lake, and it kind of smells like dead fish."

Okay, let's not do the smells then. We went back to the rest of the sensations. I was sinking back into it when she asked me to open my eyes and follow her hand. She started to wave it in front of my face, and that kind of freaked me out a little. I didn't want to be hypnotized, but she only did it ten times, then asked me to close my eyes again. Each time, she asked me to describe new sensations. She asked me to think of a name for my "safe place". I'm going to call it "The Lake".

She did the hand waving thing about a dozen times, and each time I got more and more relaxed. Finally, she threw in a wrinkle. She asked me to think of a slight disturbance, and in my mind, a speed boat flew past disturbing the rhythmic waves. I tensed up again.

Until that point in time, I had no idea how tense I am in my day to day life. Bam, I was right back to it, and it took an effort to relax again. We spent about a half hour working on trying to find the safe place, and she told me that I needed to do more work on it over the next week so we can move forward.

When I left the session, and I went to go sit in my car, I felt like a wet fettucini noodle. I was suddenly aware of tenseness in my body. It's not gone, but it has dissipated a bit. Especially my shoulders and neck, I've never been as relaxed as I am right now. I've also started to notice some minor aches that I've never noticed before. I suspect that is the lactic acid from muscles that have spent years being tense relaxing...finally.

I'm not sure how much this really helped except for right now, I'm more tired than I have been in a very long time.

Tired and relaxed. These are new feelings to me.

I feel good.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.