I used to be a regular reader of this board many years ago when I was dating my bf who is a survivor of sexual abuse from his father (it began around age 3 for him). He was married before, and was always in long term relationships with women before me, but it wasn't until he met me that he finally felt safe enough to let his cover slip and he disclosed to me for the first time ever what happened to him growing up. No one else knew, not his ex-wife, past gf's etc. I loved him, supported him through 4 years of hell while he dredged up the past and he went from a loving person to someone angry, incredibly depressed, and ultimately he became abusive towards me. I felt as many do on this board that I could "save" him....I went about as low as a person could go with him as I put up with some really horrible treatment and ultimately I left him - 4 long years we were together.

We haven't been in touch for 2 years and he emailed me out of the blue apologizing for how he was and that he was living with someone and that his new gf desperately wants to get married and have kids. He wrote he feels trapped and starting to feel resentful of her b/c he feels that he is being asked to be someone he isn't prepared to be. He hasn't discussed his past history of abuse at all with her and I know him so damn well....I know he hasn't told her b/c he fears of the downward spiral in himself that happened when he opened the can of worms with me and what that did to him.

I want to write back to him and tell him to talk to her about all that he has been through so that she could understand better where he is at in life that might lead to more patience with re: the marriage/kids. But I don't know if this is the right advice or if I should just refrain from giving any advice and let him know I'm sorry he is going through a rough patch in his life and that is all. I'm fairly positive he didn't get any therapy and I'm probably the only damn person on this planet he has told and I want to make sure any advice or response I give him is a proper one.

I still have so many feelings of incredible sadness over our breakup....I love him so much and there wasn't a day I haven't thought of him, but I know that we are not meant to be and nothing would make me happier to know that he could really be happy. Are there such things as happy endings?

_________________________
--