Working through shame has been a central theme to recovery for me, and when I spent about half of my therapy session yesterday talking about masturbation and what gives me an erection, I came to realize how heavily steeped in shame my entire sexuality really is. I went to chat last night, and I tried to talk about it in a frank manner, and I came to realize that I'm not alone.

I'm as guilty of the next guy of using humor as a defense mechanism, and I don't think there is anything wrong with that when discussion an issue that is as touchy as this one. I've suddenly come to realize, though, how important of an issue this probably is for most of us. I grew up in a Catholic church that shamed masturbation with a mother who shamed masturbation. It just about killed me yesterday to even say the word in front of my therapist. To actually talk about my masturbatory habits was downright scary.

But of course, another of the reasons why this is such a touchy subject is because of the different problems that many of us have with masturbating. My problem centers around the fact that I simply don't masturbate enough. Add to that my inability to have a wet dream, and I have some issues that I've been way to ashamed about to talk about with anyone. I've had some discomfort, not quite pain, in the prostate area, and the discomfort itself is rather arousing in a way. After a week where I've actually been masturbating daily (in an unhealthy way, but that's another topic entirely), this discomfort has subsided. I know what is causing it. It's something that I feel often when I go through spells of months at a time without masturbating.

Now, my problem differs from many others here in that sexual addiction is a problem that plagues many people at this site. I understand addiction. I've been through many, but I've also come to realize that I can't imagine a more difficult addiction to conquor then a self-gratifying sexual addiction. It's truly unfortunate that people who are in the throes of such an addiction really lack a place to be able to talk about it in an honest and frank manner.

All joking aside, I was actually quite happy last night to be able to have a serious discussion about these things in chat last night. I'm working to rid myself of the shame that has gripped my life, and it's getting easier to talk about such a shameful topic. I'm only hoping that a door was opened for others as well, because normal masturbation is healthy and addiction to masturbation is a serious issue.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.