I heard a preacher talking this morning and he made some good points about forgiveness.
Holding on to the anger and pain of the abuse is like strapping a corps to your back. If you carry it around long enough it will begin to infect you and jeopardize your health. The best medicine is to drop the dead weight that is imprisoning you before it takes your life.
Forgiveness may seem like a strange term at any point in the recovery process but itís not for the abuser its for us, so we can get on with our life. Letting go of the people that cause us harm does not mean we think its okay that they have harmed us, we are not saying we liked the abuse, we don't have to like them or like what they do or what they have done or agree with their lifestyle to be able to forgive them. We don't have to love them, just let them go. Forgive them and let them go for or own health.
This is not as easy as just reading what has been written and I know that, it took me years to figure out that I had the right to be angry, more years passed by before I realized I had lost so much and began hating the abuser, even more time passed before I could say, "I forgive you" and move on with my own life. I just thought it might help to bring this subject up once again, it has been in the threads many times and always seems to be controversial and it is, because itís not easy forgiving something so heinous.
If you are having trouble with forgiveness try starting out by thinking of it as letting go or cutting the corps away from your back and take it slow from there. You are not giving in nor are you agreeing with the abuse or the abuser youíre just getting it out of your system.
It works guys, don't give up hope.