Just been lost in my head about my Mother the last little while and had kind of a watershed moment with this one. Pretty scary but makes alot of sense now.
I know very much the fear of failure, it's part of the abuse from my Mother. It's not the trying part that's hard, it's the knowing you'll never suceed so why bother. Whenever I was unemployed my Mom was nice as pie, she'd be sweet and give me money. Of course she'd complain all the time for me to get a job but that was expected obviously. But when I got a job and started doing well she whould turn right nasty on me, belittle my efforts, undermine me, and be down right abusive with her words. I never really did understand it but it's kind of clear now, she was afraid I'd become independent and leave her. It really did make a mess of my head.
Hard to think that the person who was supposed to make me independent is the one who stopped it from happening. Feel so unable to take care of myself sometimes.