i know i need to face my life
both the abuse in my past, and accept it WAS abuse
and my present life - the issues that need attention

i know that this pain i feel is depression
i recognize it for what it is doing to me
and i realize it is something that must be dealt with
and managed

i know that i have a loving family
and caring friends here online
and in my peer support group

i know i have a new T who seems to honestly care about my wellbeing

but i'm tired
whether i like to admit it or not
"knowing" isn't some magic cure, or great doorway into the solutions to issues.

sometimes i wonder if it really means anything at all
except that my brain functions

woo hoo

i keep searching for memories - my life prior to age 14.
but i sometimes wonder if getting those memories back will really change anything

knowing doesn't always help