For me it was a relief to be the one in control...to make the decision to inflict pain on myself...rather than having it forced. It was like...I am the one causing the pain...I am the one that chose to inflict it. I had been so used to being abused and I had no control over that or the pain it caused...but by cutting I had that control. Also...it was easier to feel physical pain than to deal with my emotional pain.
What I'll never show...what you'll never find is explosive...so hide your eyes!