Im in the pit again.
I signed on the other day with a doctor and me and the wife talked for ages last night. I felt a lot better when i got up, and it seemed to go a bit better today.
I then went to the doctors to see about an appointment. The receptionist knows a bit about my problems and i spoke to her about seeing the doctor. She said that i was to phone the surgey tommorow.
I then asked her about seeing the doctor and about referals for inpatient care. She said that the doctor could help me with this, and do i want to be refered to a counselor. I said i was already seeing one, but would ask the doctor about other services.
She said ok and then gave me details on making an appointment. Then she said '' the counsellor could help me with my LITTLE problems.''
LITTLE FUCKING PROBLEMS, she nearly saw one of my LITTLE problems come through the hatch at her!!!!!!!!!
I just said thanks and walked out the door, i stood in the rain watching the sea crying and rageing inside. Is this how people see me just me and my little problems ?.
Im lost inside of this body that is not mine. I came home and hid in the bedroom, what right have i got to ask for help. If all i have got is little problems. the wife came home and everything she said i snapped back at her, i cant talk to her without the anger riseing.
We talked about the money i owe on a credit card, i got very angry and ranted at her, she talked about my inpatient that i need to do, but the wife is totally against. She called it my little holiday and i would be leaving her to look after everything on her own.
Ive gone from feeling ok to being in the hole with no way out. Whatever i do it will upset her and i just cant seem to get her to understand how close to the edge i am, if i dont do something i dont know what will happen, i cant carry on this way anymore.
Sorry for whingeing.