I HAVE WELL AND TRULY HAD ENOUGH
H A D E N O U G H
How can my bf expect me to be able to commit to this relationship while he's still adamant that he fancies men more than women??????????????????????????????????????????????????I told him he'll have to go off and sort his head out. I can no longer be the measure by which he's trying to figure out exactly what his sexuality is. I see NO DAMN REASON how on earth I could possibly have been expected to be anything other than a total emotional wreck this year, yet THAT is the reason he is using for this 'problem'. SO BE IT. It IS despreately sad that my children will have to suffer because of this, but it seems to me now that he's got to figure this out on his own. It is no good to stand there and tell me he wants to be withe me because he loves me, whilst on the other hand spouting words which leave me feeling like a worthless peice of crap.
I said I just can't commit to this any more. I DID NOT stand by his side through all this shit trying to help him sort out his identity issue only to be hearing THIS at the end of it. I CERTAINLY couldn't have sex anymore.
I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY I WANT TO SCREAM. WHAT ABOUT OUR KIDS FOR FUCKS SAKE??!!!!!! I FEEL LIKE SMASHING THE FUCKING HOUSE IN. FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT.
Thank God I have a session with my T tonight.
I would like to ask for strength to stand by this decision. I know i can no longer be a good mother under the circumstances, so this has got to give now and all I want to do is cry and cry and cry and scream and shout...................THIS IS NOT FAIR. I may have been far from perfect, but i know i deserve more than this.....
Maybe he'll decide he does want to be with a woman, maybe not. I'm sick to death of his sexuality issues. I am BORED to fucking death with them.
I would rather be single and struggling, than live this stupid lie, which is how it feels to me right now.
Who would have thought that life would be so unfair? And mostly for our children.....:(
I am sorry for all the swearing, but really I've reached the end of my tether and desperately need to vent someplace...