From my experience, just doing things to see if you are gay or not doesn't work. It's a trap that's hard to get out of. If you do that then you are letting the priest control you sexually still. I'm kind of freaked out that other men who have been sexually abused feel the same way I do. I've always just asumed I was gay, but deep down it felt like I was reenacting the abuse. When I first became sexually active with other men, I only wanted to do or have done to me what happened during my abuse. Now 10 years later I do a lot more and it's kind of lost that reenacting the abuse feel. It's definately confusing and hard to figure out what is real and what is just a symptom. I crave intimacy with men. That desire in and of itself is normal, but I think because of the abuse the desire to be close to men became sexualized. Maybe I've always been gay and the abuse just complicates things. I don't know. Sorry I didn't mean to respond to your thread and make it all about me.