Just saw your posts tonight and my heart goes out to you. You have done a very brave and trusting thing to tell your wife, especially when it sounds like youíve just come to realise how much the abuse has impacted your life.
These are no doubt upsetting times but I imagine also times of great relief in that as you can see by the replies youíve been getting here at MS you are not alone.
I think you will find it easier to let stuff out here with the anonymity that the site provides plus you have other males who understand. I can certainly relate to most of what you have shared already and as I know many of the guys whoíve responded, they can too.
I can certainly, and sadly confess, that I have also had too many years of being a distant and emotionally cold husband. I wish I could take them all back and even change instantly today who I am and how I act. Being aware however is a big step in the right direction. Iím getting better. So will you.
Share what you can Wayne and let us support you through these very difficult early days. Iím also grateful you have a wife there for you who Iím sure is trying her best to support you even if she doesnít understand it all at the moment.