You are safe here and we will not blow you off. What happened to you was NOT your fault, Vance. That is hard to accept, but it is true. You need to talk about this in your own time, as you feel safe. We are not going anywhere, and when you feel like sharing... how ever much or little feels right, we will be here to listen. There is no judgement here, just brothers who know what it is like.
Welcome - I am sorry you have to be here, but glad you found the site. It is an amazing place of healing.
"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."