After reading this string of posts, I have to say this really hit home for me. I have been down this bi-curious/gay curious road for a long time in my life. However, I still manage to come to the same conclusion that my wife (of 17 years) and family are the most important to me. I did much exploring in my college days and before I was married, and determined that the gay life was not for me. Yet, I still find men attractive and struggle with those thoughts constantly. Itís always self-doubt. I came clean with my wife about 10-11 years ago when I acted on a fantasy. It almost killed our marriage and ripped me apart. Iím not one that can keep a secret. Well, about a year ago, our marriage was little rocky, as they all get from time to time, and of course all the self-doubt starts again. I start searching the net, the links etc, etc. etc. and...., rationalized another male-to-male exchange was required for reassurance of who I was and where I was suppose to be in life. Well, mistake number two! At the end of the day, I was filled with regret. Of course I disclosed to my wife and I was sick and a wreck for weeks. I thought this was the end of my life as I knew it and for what. My wife and I worked it out. Amazingly. It is something that is always between us and as been extremely detrimental to our marriage.
I still struggle with the thoughts when they occur. I begin to analysis them and wonder if am I just looking for a little love, and this is my way of finding it. Think about what you are looking for. Once you go down a path, sometimes itís hard to get off it before itís to late, even if it is just being curious. Remember what happened to the curious cat. Some of my life lessons.