I remember at work finally telling someone that I had had a hard time over the last five years because of my memories of CSA. they looked at me with disbelief and then said they hadn't noticed anything was bothering me at all, that i seemed totally on top of everything and that was that. I realised then that no one was really that interested. What did interest people (somewhat and I am sure was the subject of some speculation) was why I hadn't had a relationship and didn't seem interested in having one, whether this meant I was gay or not, and then, when I did get involved in a relationship who was this person that had finally hooked the apparently asexual me. Go figure!

Up until this relationship I had been so desperate...living felt like a minute to minute proposition, I was always on the verge of breaking down but somehow didn't. It was clearly so buried to the average eye or maybe it was that I gave the signal don't talk about this to me. I felt so invisible.

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"Our life's work is to use what we have been given to wake up." Pema Chodron