Your reactions are very normal for an aggrieved spouse. I don't think, however, that your husband intended or wanted any of this. So what if he's a flirt? That's not germane in any rape case. Certainly his reaction shows that he was traumatized by what happened. As for the memory issue, there may be something he's deliberately holding back out of embarrassment, but I think his lack of memory probably is not fabricated. In other words, for the most part, he's telling you the truth. In addition, I think that, from what you're telling us, he really did not want this at any level. He should seek therapy ASAP, and if he wants to prosecute this woman criminally, he should speak to the police -- the sooner the better.
I would submit that your husband needs your strength and help right now. Please be there for him. I know it will be hard and you may still feel skeptical, but please do your best to take him at his word and give him your full support.
My name is Joe. I am a survivor and a good man. You can count on me.
"[Insert your name here], I am [Chain Breaker]. Do you see that I am your friend? Can you see that you will always be my friend?"
--Wind In His Hair, Dances With Wolves