I am tired of acting like I am alright. My soul hurts. My mind hurts. My body cries in pain. Raped...........wow, I never actually used that word till I read it on a post here the last couple of days. I feel like I am on the edge of falling off. I am trying my best to act alright. I am job hunting. I go and every time it looks good ..not hired. Too much experience...not enough. I pray..feel alright for a while then bam! it's right back. I hug my wife or she holds me and I feel like everything is alright - then I go to the gym and in the shower wonder if anyone is going to come in and join me..and if they did would I stop them? I am not gay but these feelings ...probably because of the sexual assualt. I did not ask them to do what they did to me. Right now I feel like not even a man. Forty years old and I am still trying to figure out what I feel like. Again I am in a fog....aimlessly drifting...

Terry (redsongbird)