Hi, Guys --
I need advice...or at least some perspective.
I've had a close friend for about ten years—we've hung out together 2-3 times a week for a long time. I suppose we act like an old married couple-people mistake us for lovers. Early on, I knew that he wanted us to be more than friends, and that I didn't feel the same way, but neither of us could get up the nerve to have "the conversation." I just assumed that we'd settled into a pattern we'd both made peace with.
But recently, he came out and told me that he wanted our friendship to "move to another level" (code for sex), and I told him that I loved him as a friend, but that was as far as we could go. It's gotten ugly—he cried, stormed off, and he isn’t returning calls, and I understand that, but I'm going around in circles:
Have I been using him all this time, because I knew all along how he felt and didn't say anything?
In the last year, I’ve opened up to him more than I ever did, including my experience as a survivor, and we've gotten closer in many ways. Is he telling me that our friendship has been a waste of time if I don't end up in bed with him?
How do you comfort a friend who has a problem, when you're the problem? How can I be giving without giving in to a sexual experience I don't want?
Am I just reacting to my own issues and getting paranoid?
I feel guilty and angry at the same time.