I have been dealing with my csa issues opening for 10/11 years after suppressing them deep inside myself for 12/13 years. It that time I have bounced back and forth about my sexual identity pretty much reserve to call myself bi-sexual, but for the first time this morning I woke-up and was able to link my feelings to my abuse. Last night for whatever reason, I dreamt of my abuse and woke this morning feeling gay; actually very horny to be with a man. It was very different feeling for me.
I thought it was just a fluke, the feeling, so while running some errands this morning I went through the local University were there are loads of beautiful people and the females didnít turn me on in the lease. Usually I can look/ see the beauty in both sexes, but today nothing.
I guess, what my question is, WHY? Is my sexual identity controlled by what happen to me more then 20 years ago? Does or has anyone else experience similar feelings? Usually it doesnít affect me that much, but I feel totally off today, shaky, unstable.
I know this seems silly, sorry, but I sure someone has something that can help me get focused.
All my best!!!
I hug myself daily until the day I find the embrace that completes me.