Can I ask you if you have a T? The reason I ask is that in order to recover we have to allow ourselves to feel again - and that means going back to all the feelings that terrified us as boys. A good T will know how all this works and will be able to guide you through with a minimum of new pain and trauma.
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me. (Woody Guthrie)