To chime in with ms on this, I have found that takng things in small doses often helps me. For instance, instead of wholesale changing my attitude of self-abuse and negation all at one blow (which always proved to be an impossible task for me in the past), I would try instead to accept everything positive that anyone told me as true for an hour or a day, and just try to watch how it affected me.
Similarly, instead of trying to forgive one's abuser, which to me is the equivalent of a 5 year old trying to write "War and Peace", perhaps try forgiving a small and seemingly insignificant trifle that would otherwise set you off. I used to have real problem with fast food places. Whenever some pimply-faced attitude wielding teenager didn't pay attention to me and screwed up my order I would fly into a rage (no seriously, I did). After finally realizing that this was not really a good way to go through life, I tried to let that anger go by understanding that they can make mistakes, and it doesn't necessarily mean that they are in some way trying to hurt me.
If you recognize you have a lot of anger in your life, AND you know that you don't like it, then try letting go of some of it in seemingly trifling situations. Have some road rage issues? Pop in a meditation tape, or some classical music, or a book on tape (so that you're actually doing something productive with the time you spend in the car) and try, for an afternoon, to be forgiving towards the people who you don't know and whose only fault is getting in your way at the wrong time.
Don't think of it as "I've got to do this or I'll never get better", and don't in any way assume that the end goal is to get you to forgive your abuser. Regardless of whether or not you feel that that is appropriate forgiveness is your choice, not mine. Think of this, rather, as an experiment. And don't judge yourself, or worry if your doing it right. Just try to pay attention to how you feel without trying to control it too much.
"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence