After taking decades to learn to forgive and still learning, I have noticed that once we learn to forgive power struggles end in our life, as they have ended within.
And until we learn to forgive completely and get the internal power imbalance straightened out, we simmer all day long, waiting to take revenge, and thus stay victim all our live, and thus tend to get into power struggles at all times, and in all areas of life.
Even sundry incidences seem to take away our power from us, like an opposing viewpoint or choice make by someone close, because internal we are still feeling same powerlessness as we felt when abused as child.
So we try to fix it on the outside, while forgetting that the real source of this power imbalance lies unattended within us. When we get fed up of trying to control external situations around us, and exhaust ourselves we realize that may be the source of all this lies within, that is when we often wake up to fix our life within, till then fighting, anger and control are the only ways in which we can feel powerful.
Aggression always is a mark of weak person, and every one knows that it is a mask that we often wear when we feel weak inside or hurt. But the true sign of a power-balanced or centered person is calm assertiveness.
As long we stay depended on other people and external situation to give us some suggestion of our power, we shall always feel weak and incessantly when power will get swayed away from us, as what’s within gets reflected out naturally as world is but a reflection who we think we are within, privately, individually and by our selves, and if we believe that we have no power, life is only reflect that until we make efforts to change it.
Some raging victims become raging activists or even social vigilantes which is all right, but in the end all this internal rage destroys their immune and blood circulation system, as higher levels of ‘cortisol’, body's the stress hormone, leads to blood pressure, diabetes, immunity disorders, bone disorders and in some cases cancer, which is all doubly sad, as not only did the abuser destroyed a childhood, we allowed him to also kill us, eventually.
As long that we are simmering inside for our abusers to get killed by us, let remember that it is he who is killing us slowly instead. As they say – “He who angers you conquers you.”
I remember Norman Sealy, a noted writer who works infield of internal medicine once said that after of his 20 minute long Forgiveness workshops one of his participants who was dying with cancer; literally walked out cured.
As something clicked inside her during the meditation and she said to herself, “Those bastards destroyed my childhood, now I won’t let them kill me.”
And thus she cured herself.
All forgiveness begins with self forgiveness and we can forgive others only when we have learned to forgive ourselves of our past mistakes; as we treat others only the way we treat ourselves.
……………………………………….A clip of that Norman Sealy discussion