I hear what you say and i agree with you (no matter how painfull this truth is). The pain i am currently experiencing makes it so difficult to even talk about forgivness. I dont want to forgive but i know to be set free and move on with my life i need to do it. You are brave to address this issue :-)
Something i struggle with and dont understand is the fact that i have gone through forgivness and thought i did it. Yet every now and then (and especially now that i am facing the abuse) i feel as if i have not forgiven. All the emotions and yes, hate is back.
Personally I have come to recognize that forgivness is one of the most powerful tools available to the survivor. It can release the survivor from the vortex of past pains relived and give us a sense of empowerment.
For example, if a friend of ours breaks a lamp accidentally, the loss of the lamp is a form of debt. We are no longer in possession of something we previously had. Also if we are not given something to which we are entitled (nurturing, protection, an object which we have paid someone for) then a similar debt also exists.
We can pay to replace the lamp out of our own savings; we can look within to find the resources and strength needed to nurture ourselves when that help will not come from those who were supposed to give it.
The above is one of the best illustrations i have heard about forgivness. Thank you so much for sharing.