I hope things have gotten better for you Dave. I know it has been hard moving back.
I could not do it. Mic Hunter's 2 books are both good, someone else mentioned the first one. Do what you need to to work through some of this. No reason to suffer even more.
There has been enough of that already. Find someone to talk to. Take care.

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Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat