Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I do value them. I thought I was alone for so long and i carried that shame with me for so long. I told two friends-something I thought I would never do-it repulsed me and i thought it would repulse them as well or they would abuse me with it. they did neither. They gave me respect and grace and that I couldn't give myself.
It made me realize that I wanted healing so badly but I didn't want to let anyone in either. I was afraid of trusting them. healing only comes when we allow others in.
I never wanted to be a vagina. i wanted to be a man- i wanted to feel manly. I wanted to accept my masculinity. I lived in a family where it was not celebrated but rather in a quiet way, shamed upon.
I think I was trying to love myself and to feel normal.
I know now that i don't have to try- I do love myself-dark , scary parts and all.
I hope this helps. :p
I love this place.