at the same time I tell myself that this may just be wishful thinking and that I should just accept that I may be gay;
I don't know if I stated it clearly in the part you quoted from me, but certainly is ok to be gay (or as Seinfeld used to say, "Not that there's anything wrong with that"). My point is that sometimes people who are not comfortable with their attraction/interest/arousal to penises are not truly gay but are fixated by the abuse experience and it is not about orientation.
It is also sometimes an attempt to re-enact the abuse in order to change the outcome of being controlled/abused from the past. In any event, sexuality in all its dimensions is a complex issue.
Glad this place can be of help. Welcome.