Al,
Jim's words above says it with all the certainty & assurance & trueth. As low as you feel, you are far more than your pain. Marc saved you, and you went on to save others. Your life does have meaning & purpose. You can continue the great works of mercy that U have started. Suffering as you are, you give strength to so many others. You are an inspiration to us. You are The silver lining on our clouds of despare. You make us believe we can overcome, all of it.
I know words alone are not enough for your broken heart. So many of us, far more than have responded here, think of you....feel the ache in your heart as we see your pain. We know it.
Life has thrown us a really shity hand & we often feel we cant possiblly win, & then you come along & give us an Ace or two. Those Aces being, Hope, Faith, Patience, & Unconditional Acceptance. The Joker, for once isnt laughing, its Validating.
Blacken

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Everyone is a genius! If you were to judge a fish, by its ability to climb a tree,
it would think it was stupid all of it's life.
~Albert Einstein