Makar,

Tomorrow is your birthday. Your 22nd birthday. You should be such a man now. Finished with school, finish with university maybe. Finding yourself in your life. Creating it. Growing into the person you are meant to be. Discovering your talents. Your future. Your love. Yourself. You should have your thoughts. Your opinions. Your beliefs. Your character. Whether you grown to be a good man, or grown to be criminal, it is no matter. I am your brother. I would love you. I do love you. Always I have. Always I will.

You know these things. You know all this. You feel my heart happy and hurt when I think of you. You feel the guilt that still is weight on my chest. I know you try to lift these from me. Sometime I can feel you do it.

Sometime I can feel you so close. Sometime it is like you are nothing but dream. Some nights, I can look in the sky, and imagine you looking back at me. I can see the brightest star and know that it is really an angel. Some nights, I look to the sky and see nothing but dust, and the flames of star fire burn out millions of years ago, and wonder if anything is real.

I am sorry to spend so many years afraid to remember you, to know that you even were. I am sorry to spend so much time not to remember your face. To be gone, that is such sorrow. To be forgotten, such indignity to you.

I wish you are here right now, so that I can put my arms around you, and tell you your brother loves you, is so proud of you. I have someone, who is not my brother, that I can still do that with. He is a good person, someone that any older brother would love and be proud of. Of course, you know that. You picked him out, and send him to me. Thank you for doing that, to give me second chance to be a brother.

Happy 22nd birthday my brother. I just wish that they all have been here on this earth, with mom and me. We love you.

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I felt and watched it get away from me
And I know every reason I was left behind
The easy part was knowing
The hardest part was saying it out loud
I let you down

Ashes to ashes
You broke down and I picked up the pieces you left here
And now there's nothing left here to remind me of you
It's all true

Far from the place I used to call my home
I celebrate; this is my holiday from you
Where every thought's a moment
And every moment finds a way to fade
On this day

Ashes to ashes
You broke down and I picked up the pieces you left here
And now there's nothing left here to remind me

Ashes to ashes
You broke down and you left me to pick up the pieces
And now there's nothing left here to remind me of you
It's all true
I'm done with you
I'm done with you

(Goran Kralj)

[img]http://www.angelfire.com/nv2/myjunk/Baby_Makar.bmp[/img]

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Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963