Haven't been around much for quite some time. Here's how it goes.

April 17, I learned that my wife was having an affair with a male co-worker. She was ratted out by someone else who works for her. I stuck around the rest of that weekend, quite dazed and not knowing what to do next. That was on a Thursday that I found out. The following Tuesday, after having spoken to my T, I moved out, over to Mom and Dad's house. My old bedroom, just like it was when I left it.

I went back and gave her my "terms" as she called it, under which I would move back into my home. I said I wanted to have marriage counseling, and for her to break off the relationship with him, whom I still did not know who he was. She said I could move back in, but since I was not "intimate, emotionally distant, irresponsible" that nothing would happen or change.

I'm still living with Mom and Dad, and get to see my boys from Saturday noon, or whenever she decides to let them come over, until Sunday around dinner time. I have filed for a divorce. She is not pleased with the amount of support money I have been giving her. I have been sending more than what my attorney recommended. Alot more. So much so that I've been living off a credit card for the last two months. I've hit the bottle a bit more than I should, but have not been drinking and driving. Very very very lonely and afraid. All Mom and Dad wanna talk about is "the divorce" and how I should screw her over. All I wanna do is run away.

Up to 30 mg of lexapro per day now, and the vision is getting blurry, got the shakes, can't sleep, having nightmares again, terrible diarea (sorry if that's more information than you need, but you should know that lexapro, an anti-depressant, can have that side effect at this dosage)

signed up for the retreat in October, for victim/survivors of clergy abuse. Never could have done that if I were still living with her.

She has been so emotionally abusive to me, I feel just like I did when I was had by the priest and the guy next door. The priest is living in town, still, though no longer a priest. The boy next door still lives next door with his parents (he must be late 40's by now) and i saw him barbequeing this weekend whilst my kids were playing in the backyard at Mom and Dad's on Sunday. He's such a pervert.

You don't need to reply to this, just know that I am still hangin in there. No matter what happens, I am still the father of my children, and she is still their mother. I need to be here for them. And always will be. And I am here for you guys as well, though not as much as I would like to be. Always remember, LYLAB means "LOVE YOU LIKE A BROTHER, A SAFE BROTHER" and I still think of you guys often.

Peace

Orodo (aka tel_orod in chat)

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It is better to be Dragon Master than Dragon Slayer. Some Dragons are meant to be mastered, others meant to be slain. Odin, Great Spirit, God, grant me the wisdom to know the difference. "May the Valar guide and bless you on your path under the sky"