I don't have much time to write, since I need to get off to work, but I had some very scary experiences that leave me wondering about the concept of "luck" and such.

My best friend from college came up to visit me on Sat, and I saw him after work that day. I had anticipated going without sleep (we went to Disneyland, then midnight show of Rocky Horror Picture Show), then going to work at 6:30am.

What I had forgotten is that I would still have to drive to and from work, in that sleepy state.

I don't know how I made it to work, leaving myself and others still alive. I had so many "close calls" where I found myself nodded off, and still driving. Somehow in my sleepy state, it didn't occur to me to pull over, either. I never drifted into other lanes, never went through any red lights, didn't rear end anyone.

After my 12 hour work day, I headed home, and I made it most of the way, without nodding off, but soon enough lost faith that I could stay awake, so I pulled off the freeway, and took city streets. What scares the bejeezus out of me, is that I found my foot ON MY BRAKE, slowing me down, when I started to nod. It was the headlights of the car behind me, pulling around me that awoke me. Yes, AWOKE me. Once again, I didn't drift, I didn't run any lights. I was still even going the speed limit.

I am alive. I found a side street, parked, and closed my eyes. It was about an hour later, when I awoke.

In addition, the night before, as I was driving to meet my buddy, I was reading my map, and hadn't noticed the car in front of me stop. When I HAD noticed, I had to brake immediately and when I had stopped my car completely, I was ONE INCH off of that other car.

I am alive. How on God's green Earth, in a situation that I had NO CONTROL (or gave up control), did I get home without killing or injuring myself or someone else??? (yes I'm aware that I probably just answered my own question, by asking about "God's green Earth").

Before I the revelations of my abuse, I used to joke with a few of my friends about my "charmed life." In high school church camp, I had reasoned that it seemed like God had protected me from so many bad things, because He had other plans for me.

The miraculousness of my survival of the past 36 hours leaves me feeling unsettled, though, instead of comforted. Most amazingly, I am the only one aware of these events. To the outside world, nothing was out of the ordinary, and no one else was affected. Had I crashed, they would have noticed.

Hmmmm, taken in a different context, some very deep things could be read from that last paragraph...

OK guys, I gotta go. I hope to have time to write tonight, but I work another 12 hour shift. See you guys soon.

We're in this together.

Jeremy

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We're in this together. - Nine Inch Nails