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#467788 - 07/19/14 02:31 PM Re: I finally told my wife [Re: Jim1961]
Jim1961 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/10/09
Posts: 1175
Loc: Pa, but likely traveling...
A belated "thank you" to Keith, Castle & SugarBaby. Thank you for your encouragement.

I am still very challenged with the "vulnerability" thing. (If I watch one more Brene Brown ted talk, I'm going to explode lol).

I still find myself reflexively lying to her about even simple stuff. Like seeing a doctor recently because I was having some heart palpitations (I blame stress, anxiety and LOT of caffeine). But I only said it was a check-up, and the tests they ordered were just "routine."

I know I need to let her know the truth. But GEE my first reflex is just to lie, to minimize, to keep secret that something is wrong (gee, where does THAT come from????).

Jim
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Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever. -Yes, Starship Trooper

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#467810 - 07/20/14 12:08 PM Re: I finally told my wife [Re: Jim1961]
sugarbaby Offline


Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 378
Quote:
But GEE my first reflex is just to lie, to minimize, to keep secret that something is wrong


Yup - H and I were just taking about this last night.

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#467840 - 07/21/14 08:32 AM Re: I finally told my wife [Re: sugarbaby]
Jim1961 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/10/09
Posts: 1175
Loc: Pa, but likely traveling...
Originally Posted By: sugarbaby
Quote:
But GEE my first reflex is just to lie, to minimize, to keep secret that something is wrong


Yup - H and I were just taking about this last night.



So how did that talk go? Just curious....

Jim
_________________________
Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever. -Yes, Starship Trooper

My Story

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#467846 - 07/21/14 12:49 PM Re: I finally told my wife [Re: Jim1961]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1992
Jim1961

I happy it went well for you and have found support from your wife. I hope this takes some of the burden of the whole CSA off your shoulders of not having to hide it from your wife.

You must know your wife well--to have been able to share--because her reaction is probably what you expected.

Keep well and thank you for sharing.

Kevin

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#467867 - 07/22/14 03:23 PM Re: I finally told my wife [Re: Jim1961]
Jim1961 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/10/09
Posts: 1175
Loc: Pa, but likely traveling...
I know her TOO well. lol. That's why it took 21 years...

So far so good, but dang everything tells me just to keep my mouth shut!

BTW, I have been reading through the Adult Children of Alcoholics (and other dysfunctions...) material (the Big Red Book), and all of it SO much applies to me. Inner child issues, co-dependency, passive/aggressive behaviors. Projection... Its a 12 step program I REALLY should do...

Jim
_________________________
Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever. -Yes, Starship Trooper

My Story

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#468358 - 08/01/14 10:12 PM Re: I finally told my wife [Re: Jim1961]
GoodHope Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/05/11
Posts: 419
Someone on here a few years ago told me that the lying was the hardest thing to stop doing. That has stuck with me as my husband works on opening up.
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Wife of a survivor

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