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#466384 - 06/08/14 09:39 PM Wish you were here
bey Offline


Registered: 01/28/10
Posts: 206
Loc: canada
I hated the sound of my name on your lips
And the way you would put your hands on either side of my face when you talked to me
I hated the way you expected me to be the perfect son
And I hated the way you made me feel when I wasn't

I hated the way you kissed me
Hated the way you pulled my face into yours
Hated the way you would crawl into my bed at night
Wrapping yourself up in my life
Your arm around me as you slept soundly

I hated the way you pitted me against him
Made me fight him for your affections
I hated the way you compared us and made him hate me in return
I hated the way you made me beg for your love
And your attention
And the way you shamed me for getting it

I hated the way you made me feel small
And at the same time totally responsible for your happiness
I hated the way you told me I made you happy
I hated the way you made me happy
The way you told me I was a good boy every time
I hated how good you made me feel

I hated the way you taught me that
the only way to comfort myself was
You
The only way to deal with stress was
You
The only person who would ever love me
And the only person I would ever love was
You

And now that you're gone
I hate how much I
Wish you were here.

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#466811 - 06/19/14 10:32 PM Re: Wish you were here [Re: bey]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Another powerful work, bey, you have such a gift for writing and putting your emotions down into words. I can tell these really come from the very core. I hope it's helping you work through this.
_________________________
Eddie

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#466833 - 06/20/14 02:09 PM Re: Wish you were here [Re: bey]
Shyshark Offline


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 419
Loc: Canada
Oh Benny ...

This is one of your very best pieces !

I was there ... although not with a close relative ...

but I sought him ... and because of him ... them ...

throughout my life ... looking for that kind of love.

Thank God I don't do that anymore ... thank God I don't have to.

Be strong ...

This day will come for you too.

(((bey)))
_________________________
Experience is a brutal teacher.

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#466919 - 06/23/14 11:09 AM Re: Wish you were here [Re: bey]
bey Offline


Registered: 01/28/10
Posts: 206
Loc: canada
Thanks both of you. Feeling like this comes and goes, but suddenly it doesn't panic me, I don't have to do crazy things to make the feelings go away. I am ok with missing her, usually, and I don't put a lot of thought into what it means or what it means about who I am... it just is. And outside of this stuff, I have an amazing life now, that I don't always appreciate. But I should - life is good, I am happy and healthy and safe and have really good friends and family around me. One day that will be enough.

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