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#465125 - 05/08/14 11:26 PM Re: Nightmares!!!! [Re: GT13568]
kcinohio Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/06/12
Posts: 297
Loc: Ohio
Originally Posted By: GT13568
Hello Jude,



It was like lancing a boil. Allowing myself to see what really happened has given me some kind of power over my memories. I survived that fat old man raping me. The little boy who was me survived. And now when I dream, when I have nightmares, I do not feel so powerless. "Dude," I tell myself, "you survived. You totally have power." Those men, including my father, eho raped me are gone. They were losers because the most powerful thing they could do was to prey on a helpless child. Fuck that. I do amazing things. I help people. I help me. I survived. So did you. You won, if it was a battle, because you (and the little boy who you were) took on real monsters.

Rock on Jude.

...


I still have nightmares. I still dread sleep. But now I know that I'll wake up and be alive. I know that as much as the memories affect and inform my life, I'm okay. I'll survive. I'll have some time in each day for happiness.

Like the others Jude, I'm with you, I'm here, and I believe in you, in all of us.

Good luck Jude. I'm thinking of you tonight.

GT


This is definitely a great way to look at it. Doesn't necessarily make sleep difficulties go away, but is easier to deal with them with this mindset. Now, fi I could just sustain this instead of getting caught up in all my shortcomings and the after-effects of the abuse I still carry.

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#465361 - 05/14/14 11:08 PM Re: Nightmares!!!! [Re: Jude]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1488
Loc: New England
I've actually had a few good nights sleep lately, but when the nightmares come its like a battlefield that I am trapped in.

I've read that you should reimagine your nightmare with a different outcome, like you escaped the attacker, or fought back and overcame him. I've tried this but its difficult to see any change in the actual nightmare as a result.

I am restarting EMDR with my therapist to try to deal with this. Anybody have any more methods to share that have worked?
_________________________
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "
Joni Mitchell

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#465365 - 05/14/14 11:58 PM Re: Nightmares!!!! [Re: Jude]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 596
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
I read that the only balance to power is love and compassion. So, for years now whenever I deal with anything about abuse of power I try to remember to consciously send love and compassion to that place in me. Something wouldn't trigger me unless that energy was trapped in me, I figure. Somewhere along the way I changed from being afraid of nightmares to seeing them as my subconscious doing what it can to work out trapped toxic material that hasn't worked its way up to consciousness yet.

When I began doing it that way I was able to slowly shift my perception from fear to curiosity and ultimately from curiosity to seeing my dreams as allies to help me work out material I don't have access to directly. It was a long process for me, but I now see my dreams as friends who are available to help me out. I begin interacting with my dreams now as soon as I wake up, and don't remain trapped in the fear. I still remember to send love and compassion to the energy trapped in me as I do this.

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#465553 - 05/20/14 09:01 PM Re: Nightmares!!!! [Re: Jude]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1488
Loc: New England
I have been reading about the use of a medication mainly used for combating high blood pressure, Prazosin, for PTSD related nightmares. My T suggested I looked into it. There is alot of research supporting its effectiveness. I am going to be speaking with my MD about it. I'll let you all know. Anyone have any experince with it, please comment.
_________________________
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "
Joni Mitchell

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#465556 - 05/20/14 09:36 PM Re: Nightmares!!!! [Re: Jude]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1560
I was on seroquil and it knocked me out. Sometimes I would have nightmares but would fall back to sleep. Downside overtime it would build up in the system and I could sleep for 24 hours. But sleep was wonderful. It gave me strength to move ahead. After years, almost 8 years on minimal sleep it was so welcomed. Without sleep I was lost, not in control of myself and with vicious taunts and acts around me I was gone. The mind reverted to abuse coping mechanisms. Sleep is so important. I do not know of this medication but check with your doctors. If it helps sleep will help you to heal.

I regret not getting help to sleep years before I was nearly destroyed but I thought if I slept I would see him and the cellar and feel him all over me. Fear ruled but medication can help. Explore and help yourself.

Kevin

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#465562 - 05/20/14 11:04 PM Re: Nightmares!!!! [Re: Jude]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1039
Where in New England are you? Several states there have legal medical marijuana, and you should try that before you go to sleep. Helps with dream reduction.

I suffer from a very similar problem, except I don't have a wife. I get to deal with it all alone.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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