Your post/poem about your abuser lets me understand very clearly why you want to confront him so badly but need the time to focus entirely on him. We have spoke many times about him but what you write here conveys to me exactly why and what for you want to meet him so badly. I'm sure that you'll have many more chances to accomplish what you want with him, of course conditions permitting.
I wish I could feel the same about papasan but I loved him and still do. I see him as 2 distinct personalities, the one I love and the one that put me through hell for 7 years of my life. I cannot hate the the papasan that did so many bad things without hurting the papasan that became my father and filled my life full of love and caring.
I wish you and your's only health and happiness and that you should be able to find the right conditions to have time to concentrate on him.
Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope