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#467440 - 07/10/14 09:20 AM Re: I reap what you sow (**triggers**)... [Re: Chase Eric]
lapchinj Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1227
Loc: New York
Hey Eric

Your post/poem about your abuser lets me understand very clearly why you want to confront him so badly but need the time to focus entirely on him. We have spoke many times about him but what you write here conveys to me exactly why and what for you want to meet him so badly. I'm sure that you'll have many more chances to accomplish what you want with him, of course conditions permitting.

I wish I could feel the same about papasan but I loved him and still do. I see him as 2 distinct personalities, the one I love and the one that put me through hell for 7 years of my life. I cannot hate the the papasan that did so many bad things without hurting the papasan that became my father and filled my life full of love and caring.

I wish you and your's only health and happiness and that you should be able to find the right conditions to have time to concentrate on him.

Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope
<3 XOXO
Jeff

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#469887 - 09/10/14 01:44 PM Re: I reap what you sow (**triggers**)... [Re: Chase Eric]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1393
A little update...

Had another visit with him last night. I think it's the fifth. By keeping my anger in check, I am actually learning a lot. We are breaking some ice, and while we have not yet discussed the sexual abuse directly, I suspect we both know that's on the agenda. He will tell me more and be more honest if he feels less threatened. So we are going through these "ice-breaking" sessions by my own manipulation - and they are a bit grueling for me.

But I need so many answers. A neighborhood boy I grew up with who committed suicide not long ago - was he a victim? My dad who with two other neighborhood fathers talked to him behind closed doors and decided not to go to the police - what did my dad say to him? My dad apparently never knew I was a victim, nor my sister - so that talk failed to yield my salvation. In fact it made my situation far worse. I never got to talk with my father, nor did he ever discuss what was spoken behind that closed door - in that meeting that saved my sister but sealed my fate....

My father has since died as have the other two fathers in that discussion. And so now there is only left this man who so thoroughly groomed and owned me. He has so many answers locked in his head about our history - my history. I need to know them. I deserve to know them. Don't I?

My poem is coming true...
_________________________
Eirik




Click my pic to see why I'm here

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#469899 - 09/10/14 09:34 PM Re: I reap what you sow (**triggers**)... [Re: Chase Eric]
lapchinj Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1227
Loc: New York
Hey Eric

Your idea of going easy with your perp will bring you answers to all your questions in the end.

I'm sure that if your father or the other 2 fathers realized what was going on they would have gone to the police. Obviously they were all in the dark.

Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope
<3 XOXO
Jeff
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#470758 - 10/04/14 06:23 AM Re: I reap what you sow (**triggers**)... [Re: Chase Eric]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 589
I really needed to reread this poem today. Thank you Eirik for sharing this with us. It's such a powerful poem.
_________________________
Husky

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