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#462968 - 03/22/14 05:24 AM Re: Therapy and The 7 Rules [Re: sadclown]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 578
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi Sadclown,

"Everything that I am is telling me not to" is, in my opinion, not the whole story. In my mid-forties I experienced an 18 day personal growth retreat focusing on rebirthing and reworking myself up to age 12. I began to understand my entire life had been run from the perspective of a very, very damaged infant and child.

I'm not trying to talk you into going to a therapist now. Only you can decide what is right for you. But, I would suggest that your beliefs are determined by your experiences, and your experiences include some rather serious trauma. It is my experience that my life is continually recreated around my beliefs. We are creative critters, and our beliefs are what determine our reality. In my experience. So, it seems to me that it is not "everything that I am" that is making choices here, but beliefs laid down in trauma, which can be very unhealthy and very difficult to change. It's the damaged child that is looking for protection. The damaged child will ultimately need the adult you to learn discernment about what is healthy for you to consider.

Sending you love and good will.

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#464664 - 04/27/14 10:43 PM Re: Therapy and The 7 Rules [Re: sadclown]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 747
Loc: michigan
hey sad clown
I don't know how I have missed this post up to now!I have LIVED bu the rules and I never heard anyone really talk about them. T asked me for a list when I first began to see him. I came up with 31. for some reason he always reminds me that rules were made to be broken lol. I do realize now he is right. I have to allow some flexibility to allow opportunities to arise to see the positive things to prove themselves it is a scary place for me but I am trying hope you can too man
Jeff
_________________________
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"
Herman Melville

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#464683 - 04/28/14 05:39 AM Re: Therapy and The 7 Rules [Re: sadclown]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 578
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi sadclown,

My experience of 25 years of individual therapy, group therapy, meditation, personal growth retreats, psychics, shamans, body work..., is that it all was a process of acquiring the tools I had to have to heal my damaged self myself. I took all your rules with me everywhere I went, and with everyone I met. I have been gently softening my rules for some time, but it is only now that I am able to consider dropping some or all, at some point in the future!!!!!

I was not able to remember the abuse from my father until age 53, and the abuse from my mother until age 63. You don't have to give up your rules if you don't want to. My experience has been that NO therapist EVER got past my rules unless I made a conscious choice that it felt ok for me.

I needed every experience I ever had in order to deal with my issues at the depth and satisfaction I am having today. It seems to me your own inner knowing is what may be propelling your current consideration of a therapist. I have never experienced anyone else being able to take away my defenses. For me, my defenses are here to keep me alive to fight another day. I would imagine you have good reason to trust your own natural survival instincts. If some of them are getting a little long in the tooth, you will know it, and you will decide if and/or when you modify how you interact with the world. Unfortunately, my experience is it has always been pain that has motivated me to explore change.

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#464685 - 04/28/14 05:54 AM Re: Therapy and The 7 Rules [Re: sadclown]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 929
Loc: southern California
Just a thought from a different direction. Maybe it can help with a different perspective. The 7 Rules, similar to mine when I was young, definitely worked against me. My greatest regret is that I suffered in silence for so long. I wish I would have disclosed to everyone what was happening within the sham of a family I was raised in. I wish I would have been strong enough to bypass the threats that forced me to keep the secrets of a predator-father, a physically abusive mother, and a bullying elder brother. I wish I would have acted out in some way until someone listened to my cry for help.

Instead, I kept it all to myself. I was a well-mannered boy, bashful and invisible. Silence turned my anger inward until it became self-hatred.

It took me near half a century to find the soul they killed, and even now I must work daily to keep it from slipping back into the clutches of their aftermath of symptoms.

The scariest and most rewarding thing I've ever done was to let people really see "me." Sometimes I was judged, or mocked and laughed at, or insulted, or discarded. There are therapists who may say the wrong thing at the wrong time. Those were lessons in learning about THEM, not me. Lots of people in this world are incapable of compassion or learning from others. They are the type who lack the maturity to discuss any topic of real substance.

I still have a lot to learn in this area. I still struggle between my inclination to be guarded and hidden, and my desire to live life fully by experiencing the richness of human interaction.

I've tasted the berries, and I have found them worth suffering the painful cuts and scratches of their thistles.

And ya know somethin'? It's okay if anyone disagrees with me here, because in order to do that, he must break a rule and share his thoughts. wink

That's how we get to know each other. That's how we learn and grow. And come to think of it, I've learned something from the thoughts shared in this thread, and I learned a few things about myself too. shocked
_________________________
Keith
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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