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#463064 - 03/24/14 07:06 AM Re: Lonely by association [Re: mattheal]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 669
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi Matt,

KMCINVA's "Step away from those that do not make you feel safe." brings up a major issue for me. My mother was one of my abusers, and I felt very unsafe with her. However, I was also an infant and toddler totally dependent on her. What got written into my identity was that if I don't stay with abusive people, I will die. It has taken nearly 64 years for me to unravel that program. I have only done it in the last year. I haven't gone back out yet, but feel the possibility growing. There was a very toxic and abusive situation with the music program at a church I attended. I involved myself 3 different times over a 5 hear period. Each time was just like my family of origin. The decision makers were not able to see me or to value me, and my only value to them was in what I could provide for them. Anything I said, asked for, went in one ear and out the other. And each time I worked so hard and gave so much.

Each time I participated grew shorter and shorter, and finally I have come to understand my part in all of it, and realize it is me who has to change, not them. So, I now know that I will not go back to that church. A first. I don't have to or choose to remain with people who are not able to be nice to me. "Step away from those that do not make you feel safe." It has taken 64 years for me to get it, but I finally do and am very grateful. The possibility exists now for me to participate in life in ways that are meaningful and satisfying for me. I don't intend to race out the door prematurely, but my antennae are up for when the time is right.

Sending you lots of support for finding your own answers.

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#463132 - 03/25/14 01:36 PM Re: Lonely by association [Re: mattheal]
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 278
my abuser was a predators predator. he targeted lonely boys like myself and he was a master at it. these people are sick.
_________________________
Thanks

rich

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

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