Newest Members
Anony_mous, Drew6991x, Miro, jj843, The Abyss
12364 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
gryffindor (67), KevinSweeney (57), latinflavor815 (52), latin_flavor_815 (52), RTMark (33), sabooka (35), southpaw10 (46)
Who's Online
0 registered (), 17 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12364 Members
74 Forums
63546 Topics
443993 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 2 of 2 < 1 2
Topic Options
#460772 - 02/15/14 05:42 AM Re: Ruminating and obsessing - Can you relate? [Re: Landscape]
Truart Offline


Registered: 01/25/14
Posts: 14
Yeah, I can really relate to the obsessing and ruimination. I think it all stems from a fear of being abandoned or hurt. My behavior need to be perfect or I will be left alone, be victimized and be hated by everyone.

In psychology they talk about external locus of control. That pretty much means that one has a feeling of the outside world controlling ones life. For me, there were random events all the time which didn't give me any chance to understand what was happening. Bad events just happened, I learnt that my life was controlled from the outside. My father was drunk sometimes, I got robbed, bullied, humiliated and a way to ensure these things didn't happen was to become perfect.

It all ties to hypervigilance. Which is a defense mechanism where you scan for potential threats. Analyzing every small detail of every persons behavior, constantly scanning left to right, every person, every car, every corner, to make sure that no one is there to hurt you. It also means being acutely aware of other peoples facial expressions. Noting a frown when saying something leads to beating oneself up over it because the person disapproved.

I think the best way to actually get rid of this is to get the control back over life. This means getting the healthy anger back in life and being able to set boundries. For me, I guess the hardest part is acknowledging that I have innate value as a human being. It's powerful to stand up and say "I have a right to exist, it's my life and I should have control over it!".

Top
#460778 - 02/15/14 07:28 AM Re: Ruminating and obsessing - Can you relate? [Re: Truart]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3336
Loc: O Kanada
Originally Posted By: Truart
It all ties to hypervigilance. Which is a defense mechanism where you scan for potential threats. Analyzing every small detail of every persons behavior, constantly scanning left to right, every person, every car, every corner, to make sure that no one is there to hurt you.


did not know i had this label, but it sounds exactly like me.
hypervigilance actually sounds like a good thing,
but it has given me extreme anxiety.

there is simply no way to prepare for and prevent against all possible problems and potential perils.
the future is full of hidden hazards, strange dangers, unseen obstacles, death threats, ill omens, necessary risks, and malevolent menaces.
there are no assurances or guarantees.
learning to live with this truth has proven most difficult for me.

i am reminded of a dr.seuss story...
i had trouble getting to solla sollew!


_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

Top
Page 2 of 2 < 1 2


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.