This throbbing ache inside of me -
My physique has no malady,
The mind in pain rips through my core,
Not of now, manifest of yore -
Assault beyond body to break
My sex, besieged I fled the ache
And spirit floats, they have control
of body yes, but not the soul.
Years later, recollection dim,
But coping's wrought pysche without vim.
Recall bombards, postponed pain flares
Beyond control, like them, it scares
If pain outside, cope I'd muster.
It burns, I yearn, if out occur?
Flame, singe, ahhh, now - out, scar reveals
Pained skin, I choose, need for more reels
Candles, lighters, cigarettes too,
Control from the perp, me not you.
Burn, relief, yes, but oh so short.
New compulsion, I must abort.
Self-injury as anger churns,
May look bad, but they're only burns,
Want flame hit bad, but I know steps,
Resist, share hard, transform in reps
The pain has ebbed, with mild up-flows,
Is this faint scar, or self-gave rose?
My skin, their attack, gained no rule
Scarred, but flames only start with fuel
Please know that I'm not feeling in the heat of this stuff now. Just expressing something from my journey along the way. Haven't burned myself over this CSA stuff in years, close to a decade probably.