I was terribly close to just putting an end to it all yesterday night but i didn't, obviously. I don't know why.. The feeling mostly passed but I can't say I wouldn't be glad if i didn't woke up tomorrow or something.
I don't know why monday had such a big impact on me, after all its happened like a 1000 times before, but it does. It's scaring me because I keep losing time and I can't afford to not be available for school work or well, anything every time it happens again, either. I do appreciate everyone trying to help and I try to let it sink in what you say, but it's like I'm looking at advice for someone else, idk how to properly explain it but i just can't connect it to myself or something.. idk..
In the howling wind
Comes a stinging rain
See it driving nails
Into souls on the tree of pain
From the firefly a red orange glow
See the face of fear
Running scared in the valley below
~ Bullet The Blue Sky - U2