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#465093 - 05/08/14 12:01 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 652
I never got to thank you guys for the hugs here so...thank you.

I'm finally getting around to working up the courage to escape again. I haven't given up. What this does mean though, is that I'll have to lie my way out of my parents' grasp again. If my past journals are any indication of the shape of things to come, it means that I'll be treated like a piece of shit for a while until I'm free. Shaming. Guilt tripping. Being ganged up on and pulled apart in different directions. Suppressing hatred. Lies piled upon lies and more lies. Interrogations. Insults. Criticisms. Devaluations. Name calling. Sudden outbursts of rage. The list is endless. Needless to say, I'm pretty scared. I have to survive a walk through emotional hell before I can get my freedom. I guess it's a price I'm willing to pay, but it won't be easy. I hope I come out in one piece. And even if I do, that's half the problem - the other half is not self destructing after I get my freedom and finding myself right back where I started. Deep breaths, I guess. Will be reading the support everyone's given me here in my previous attempt. It was a "dress rehearsal" I guess after all. Deep breaths.

It's hard to dream and hope again after you've been thwarted so many times, but it seems that's what I'll need to do to pull this off.

My Story

#465116 - 05/08/14 09:11 PM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
focusedbody Offline

Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 401
Loc: NY
Hey, Husky.

Your needs are understandable here. However, I wonder if rather than "escaping" from your situation, you might focus on the place you want to "go to".

Could you perhaps take your time, figure out a plan to be somewhere for a while where you have the support of some friends and where you can stabilize upon exiting?

Just a thought...

Lose the drama; life is a poem.

#465182 - 05/10/14 09:22 AM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
Rich1967 Offline

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 345
Loc: PA
FB, great advice. Self destructive behaviors don't just go away no matter how much you want them to. Ironically, they are probably the same behaviors that keep you alive while in active abuse situations. It does seem like the deck is stacked against us sometimes.

We are with you Husky all the way. Getting out of the active abusive situation you describe will be a good thing. As long as you have access to this site there will be many here who will help you as much as they can so don't hesitate to lean on us as much as you need to.

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:

#465187 - 05/10/14 10:47 AM Re: I'm Leaving My Family [Re: concerned_husky]
don64 Offline

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 910
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
HI Husky,

Do you know what foiled your plans last time, and what you can do differently this time? I'm not asking for an answer, and not trying to invade whatever anonymity is important to you, but breaking a lifetime of dependency issues can be challenging. And from your posts it sounds as if you have been groomed for some time to be financially dependent on your family. Combine that with you having mentioned having a gambling addiction and I have concerns for you knowing how, on your own, to pull this off. Again, my purpose in this post is simply to be a pain in the ass voice of reality about such issues as: have you ever worked before, what will be your financial base, how will your finances be renewed, what kinds of support are available to you when you leave regarding access to therapy, gambler's anonymous, supportive friends (I'm not talking about partying friends) who know your situation and are mature enough to help you in making a bid for freedom. I want you to succeed. If that is to happen it seems to me your plan has to be carefully fleshed out.

Financial dependence can be very difficult to break, and you may have massive personal time bombs which will go off the second you leave, whose purpose is to undermine all efforts at independence. Of course, all of my questions come from my own frame of reference, and may not be particularly relevant to you. Again, I'm not asking for any answers.

Sending you love and support.

Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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