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#456033 - 12/04/13 04:25 PM a whole year
1lifenow Offline

Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 435
Loc: west coast
I have now being seeing a great guy for a year,

never thought i could focus enough on one guy

more than that, never thought i could trust someone on such an intimate level.

Its still a work in progress, i don't really know if its possible to ever trust completely, but its nice to know i do have the ability to let someone in. Sometimes i used to wonder if CSA shut that door forever.

What else i have learned is:

- i can express myself and say no to someone without feeling bad or feeling like i let them down

- an argument doesn't mean that love or a relationship is diminished or threatened. anger doesn't have to be destructive or self destructive. people are entitle to be human, even me.

- i can argue without being cutting and hurtful and attacking as a form of self defines

- slow down and listen to the words being said and sometimes if i really stop and think about it, even the subtext. Not just what he is saying now but what is the meaning behind it. Sometimes when something seems so trivial to me, but its not to him, there is a reason.

- quieter is more effective than louder, but i lose presentation points - aka its not about winning,lol

- making amends by doing something thoughtful is more effective than blowing things off.

- consideration goes both ways, appreciating the little changes, kind words and thoughtfulness.

- not stockpiling my fears and insecurities, they build and then i build walls, or holding anger to hold the peace. Letting things out sooner is so much better than cleaning up messes after.

- listening to my body, feeling the rise of emotions and my bodies response to those feelings allows me just a second to know when i am heading for fight or flight when neither is what i want. Breathing and being in the moment.

- waking up to my man and his body touching mine, that sense of things being so damn right. I kind of feel sorry for str8 people now, lol. Making love is so primal and visceral and earthy and urgent. Its the most amazing thing in the world. Then dozing in each others arms, all sweaty, tired and oh so content. It has made me appreciate and realize that closeness is so much more than sex.

- farting anytime and anyplace without restriction,

a whole year of feeling like a teenager. you can teach old dogs( bears) new tricks!
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

#456096 - 12/04/13 11:36 PM Re: a whole year [Re: 1lifenow]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1624
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: 1lifenow
....I kind of feel sorry for str8 people now, lol......[gay guys can] fart anytime and anyplace without restriction,

Congratulations on a successful relationship 1lifenow.

I can tell you that a str8 guy farting around his woman definitely puts a damper on the situation between the sheets.

Do you mean to tell me that gay guys just let em fly and its all good? That IS an advantage.
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

#456145 - 12/05/13 07:44 PM Re: a whole year [Re: 1lifenow]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 732
Loc: United States
I'm very glad to hear you've reached this milestone, 1lifenow. But I'm thrilled that you're being so conscious of what it means to you and the changes it has brought into your life.

I've been in the place of not knowing if you could ever trust someone enough to let them into your life. I just married my husband this year.

Just let it all flow...


Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

#456162 - 12/06/13 01:39 AM Re: a whole year [Re: 1lifenow]
don64 Offline

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 1078
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi 1lifenow,

Your post is so hopeful and so inspirational for me. Congratulations to you and your mate and thank you for the gift of your words.

Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

#456243 - 12/06/13 08:51 PM Re: a whole year [Re: 1lifenow]
Cthulhu Offline

Registered: 06/13/13
Posts: 146

This is a really sweet post and one I am very glad you have made. You are giving me something to aim for personally as well as in my relationships. A lot of the points you wrote down resonated with me - either things I have improved upon, things I am trying to, or regrets that come to mind.

Thank you,


Edited by Cthulhu (01/03/14 08:51 PM)
“what matters most is how well you walk through the fire”
-Charles Bukowski

some context

#456264 - 12/06/13 11:57 PM Re: a whole year [Re: 1lifenow]
Bluedogone Offline

Registered: 07/03/13
Posts: 592
Loc: Southeast US
Hi 1lifenow,

Thanks for the great post and the outline of things learned after a year. Excellent insight and a lot of thoughts to consider and be thankful for. It's nice to hear that trust is coming back.

As I thought about these points, it became very clear that these very attributes apply in a straight relationship, also, to make it so much more meaningful. Except for one thing: farting anytime and anyplace. That only works if you have a dog that can be easily blamed when the farts come. lol

And that's really the reason for the saying, "A dog is man's best friend."
It doesn't get easier - you just get better.


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