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#466655 - 06/15/14 08:09 PM Re: How it was possible for YOUR abuser? [Re: Still]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 738
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi Chris,

My situation was different than yours, but I have spent most of my life without a reference point inside myself for my reality. I'm only beginning to get my own reference point in my 60's.

Sending you love and support.

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#466682 - 06/16/14 02:20 PM Re: How it was possible for YOUR abuser? [Re: Still]
frankie72 Offline


Registered: 11/23/12
Posts: 32
Loc: Australia
- Had a family friend not groomed me from an early age.
- Had my parent not trusted him to look after me.
- Had my parents not seen how distant I had become.
- Had my parents looked for a reason why I was getting drunk and smoking pot at the age of 14.
- Had my parents thought something was wrong, rather than bling me for being rude and distant to my abuser.
- Had my father not beaten me to take out his frustrations.
- Had my mother not ignored what was going on around her.
- Had I any adult in my life I could trust.

Thirty years on, it is still like yesterday. Sometimes I can bury it, but it still lurks near the surface. Apart from the rare individual, there is no one I trust or rely upon.

The friends I have are really acquaintances. I don't confide in them, and I really couldn't care about what appears to me to be the trivial plight of other.

As for now, the topic will come up from time to time related to something in the news. According to my mother, its only the weak they victimise, or some such nonsense. Just adds to my feelings of worthlessness.

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#466683 - 06/16/14 02:29 PM Re: How it was possible for YOUR abuser? [Re: Jacob S]
frankie72 Offline


Registered: 11/23/12
Posts: 32
Loc: Australia
Originally Posted By: Jacob S
Originally Posted By: Still
Originally Posted By: sadclown

I wish I could instead write of middle school with anecdotes about bikes, baseball, and video games


Do you remember have no (zero) capacity to engage in frivolity? Remember the other kids being able to enjoy, relax, live, not be on-guard, not be mourning, not feeling like aliens, etc.

As an adult, I get feedback from people (who don't know about me) as to how CSA 'survivors' live their lives. It seems universal that they have no regard for the childhood that was lost, yet they encourage survivors to "forgetaboutit."



You are so right about that.

I know exactly what you guys mean.

School for me was getting drunk, taking drugs, skipping class, finding somewhere to be alone and cut and burn myself. The occasional suicide attempt.

Also had a number of people say "Just forget about it and move on", like it is that easy to forget years of sexual abuse as a child.

Here in Australia, they are currently doing a Royal Commission into CSA. I was actually speaking to an old classmate who is a lawyer on a number of CSA cases at out school, trying to find away to support those affected without revealing I had been at home. Findings here so far at there is very little support for CSA survivors in our country, and it's even worse if you are male. For Male CSA survivors, there is currently nothing.


Edited by frankie72 (06/16/14 02:31 PM)

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#466687 - 06/16/14 04:19 PM Re: How it was possible for YOUR abuser? [Re: Still]
roninsteve Offline


Registered: 10/14/08
Posts: 16
Loc: Victoria Australia
The School ignored the symptoms.
The teachers thought it was better to punish me for my language rather than for what I was being forced to tell them.
The teachers fobbed me off when I was being hurt.
My parents thought it was ok to punish me for continually getting hurt.
My Life was so bad that part of my abuse was the highlight of my school life.

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#466688 - 06/16/14 04:28 PM Re: How it was possible for YOUR abuser? [Re: frankie72]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6514
Loc: Terminus
Originally Posted By: frankie72
Findings here so far at there is very little support for CSA survivors in our country, and it's even worse if you are male. For Male CSA survivors, there is currently nothing.


Is CSA of boys a separate crime there?

In Massachusetts there was NO WAY older boys would have faced any legal results for what they did. It would have been considered "simple child-child assault." It would never have seen court...0.0% chance of seeing court.

If I were able to bust them now, they would be charged under the laws of 1970s, and not the laws today. They would also face a juvenile court, and it's rules. So Still, no justice possible.

"Rape of a boy" was not a crime then.


Edited by Still (06/16/14 04:29 PM)
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#466704 - 06/17/14 01:47 AM Re: How it was possible for YOUR abuser? [Re: Still]
frankie72 Offline


Registered: 11/23/12
Posts: 32
Loc: Australia
Originally Posted By: Still
Originally Posted By: frankie72
Findings here so far at there is very little support for CSA survivors in our country, and it's even worse if you are male. For Male CSA survivors, there is currently nothing.


Is CSA of boys a separate crime there?

In Massachusetts there was NO WAY older boys would have faced any legal results for what they did. It would have been considered "simple child-child assault." It would never have seen court...0.0% chance of seeing court.

If I were able to bust them now, they would be charged under the laws of 1970s, and not the laws today. They would also face a juvenile court, and it's rules. So Still, no justice possible.

"Rape of a boy" was not a crime then.


I'm not sure what the ruling on child-on-child sexual abuse is here. I tried looking it up, but a bit vague. Most look at it as adult offenders, and I would be guessing that between children it would go to juvenile court.

My own incident was an adult male abusing me, so the laws are pretty clear there. As for the people I went to school with, it was one of the house masters there (boarding school), who has been charged for multiple offences from 1974 up until at least 1989.

I just find that a majority of information I find located in our country relates to Male on female offences. Seems we are still in a day and age where men are just supposed to suck it up and move on. frown


Edited by frankie72 (06/17/14 01:50 AM)

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#466709 - 06/17/14 05:28 AM Re: How it was possible for YOUR abuser? [Re: Still]
roninsteve Offline


Registered: 10/14/08
Posts: 16
Loc: Victoria Australia
That is the problem I had. Because they were kids too it was just put down to boys being boys. I was often told to just stand up to them. Doing that was always so much fun and then I wold get into more trouble for fighting.

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